tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
