Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
