loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
