i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
