so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
