I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
