Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
