I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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