What tipped you off? The sombrero?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
