I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
COCAINE IS GR8
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
