I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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