We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have fence marks all over my body
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
