im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
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I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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