chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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