Cold hands, warm shart.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
