Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
our cab driver is having phone sex.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize