I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
