It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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