Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
