i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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