Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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