Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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