Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
