Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
