tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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