Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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