and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
