I wish my penis had an off switch
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
