a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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