I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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