I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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