There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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