Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
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once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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