I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
