Swine flu. Run for my life!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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