when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
