She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
