i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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