I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
