Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?