I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him