fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
