I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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