so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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