Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
