2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
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ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
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He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again