just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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