Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
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I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.