Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.

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(972): View more from Texas

I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.

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(410): View more from Maryland

Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(302): View more from Delaware

just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.

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(573): View more from Missouri

Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.

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(541): View more from Oregon

We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault

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(408): View more from California

He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?

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