why didn't you poke me back
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
