I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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