Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
