It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
