last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
