That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
