That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
