I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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