How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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