2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
