Yo dont text me then not text me
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
