I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't deserve a penis
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
