I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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