I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
