Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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