Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
