I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
