my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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