I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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