pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
