I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
