i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
