We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
