4 words: hood of his car
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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