how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
