it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
