I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
