All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
