I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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