He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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