there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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