we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My cat gives me a boner
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
