is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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