i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
