Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
