Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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