I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
