I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
