hell yes lets make some ravioli
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
