Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
