You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
